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Buy Lower/Sell Higher

www.MoreForMyHouse.com

 Reading Between The Lines

 Bill Rinehart, Realtor®/Salesperson

HomeLife/Kempenfelt-Kelly Realty Ltd, Brokerage

 Local 705.436.5111 Toll Free 1.877.436.5111

The Realtors' MLS descriptions in the column

on the left are from actual MLS listings.

The explanations in the other column

are JUST A JOKE. Dont' sue me!

(See if you can guess which ones we really use as

Realtor to Realtor code!)

What the listing said:

What they might have meant:

Close to amenities, schools, transportation, shopping, daycare

There are no redeeming features in the house itself to talk about.

Close to park

Watch out for unleashed dogs. Watch where you step. Remove your shoes to come in!

Close to transportation

They say you'll grow accustomed to noise from the trains... eventually.

Close to everything

This place is more downtown than a homeless person.

Entertainment district

An Elvis impersonator lives next door

Quiet neighbours

Next to a graveyard

Friendly neighbours

The neighbours won't leave until they empty your beer fridge every night

Area of fine homes

This isn't one of them

Low traffic street

The roadway is full of kids' toys

Family home in prestigious neighborhood

The worst house on a good street

Seasonal waterfront

In some seasons it's more UNDER water than ON the water

Steps to public beach

Your front steps, actually...if u can get the beachbums to let you go down them.

Stones throw to beach

Beach-stone throw back at your front windows! Note the new windows.

Full view of lake

You just don't get to go to the lake

Overlooking pond with wildlife

Much like the wildlife in the basement.

Pond in back yard

The septic bed is overflowing.

Commune with nature

There's a family of rabid squirrels living in the attic

Backs onto Enviro Protected Land

 Backs onto mosquito infested swamp

Secluded private lot

The burglars can take all day getting in.

Sunken living room

 See Seasonal waterfront

Driveway holds six cars

Potential student rooming house!

Garage/Workshop

There's a pile of scrap lumber in the garage

Just like in a magazine

Guns And Ammo

Dynamite property!

They should have blown it up and gone for the insurance

Sunfilled ranch bungalow

The roof blew off in that tornado last month

Flowing open spaces

See Seasonal waterfront, with a current

Earthtones throughout

Mold IS technically an earthtone

Neutral decor

The carpet looks like cream of mushroom soup. And kind of smells the same.

Vintage century home

The plumbing and electrical hasn't been touched for 100 years.

Freshly painted

The hockey-puck scuff marks on the walls shouldn't bleed through before you buy it.

Gardener's delight

It was a marijuana grow-house. The ventilation holes in the floors haven't been covered over yet. Call www.hydroponics.com

Partially finished basement

They stopped finishing and suddenly put it up for sale. Problems? HELL nooooooooo!

Potential for basement apartment

You'll need the rental income to pay the taxes.

Soaring 9 foot ceilings

That's it, keep looking up, don't look around...

Some newer windows

The ones the neighbor's kids keep breaking.

Spacious open rooms

The wife took the kids and the furniture and left the husband with this house and a big-screen TV

Kid-friendly yard

There's no fence and the neighborhood kids are all over the back yard

Perfect for first-time buyers

No experienced buyer would look at this place

Builder's model home

Even the builder couldn't sell it. Hello?

Better than new

Except it's...well...used. he he I'm a silly Realtor my goodness me

All applianced included

It would cost more to move them than they're worth

Quick close available

They want out of this place NOW!

Priced to sell

This is as low as they're willing to go. Don't lowball them!

Make an offer

They know it's overpriced and they will sell for less than they're asking

Bring all offers

Any offer! Please! Get them off my back!

Motivated sellers

They're desperate to sell

Must sell!

I'm incompetent and I should be fired for disclosing my client's negotiating position.

Selling due to illness.

They're sick of dumping money into it.

 How to Buy a House for Less

What if Profit is Not Your Priority?

Buying a Country Cottage

Buying an Older House

First-Time Home Buyer's Guide

Decipher MLS Codes and Abbreviations

Back to HomePage

Contact Bill

Bill Rinehart

 705 436-5111

Toll Free 1-877-436-5111

© WRinehart1998-2007 All rights reserved.

Reproduction or distribution without the express written consent of the author is prohibited under international copyright law